All change

My life has been completely turned upside down.

In April, my husband died. It was a massive shock and completely unexpected. He suffered a coronary thrombosis and died instantly.

Although we had been apart for a couple of years, we hadn't yet got divorced. This led to numerous problems arranging the funeral, since I was still listed as his next of kin. I had to write several letters giving his girlfriend of the time authority to arrange the funeral, etc.

My stepson, who'd been living with his dad and his dad's girlfriend and her child, came to live with me straight away. Although I'd been planning for him to come and live with me and working towards it, having it happen all of a sudden was a massive shock and adjustment, and cost a considerable amount of money in buying things for him, primarily furniture.

After three months being with me, my stepson's birth mum got in touch out of the blue. She hadn't been in contact for about 4 years, and my ex had told stepson that she had said she wasn't interested. However we now discovered that in fact, ex had not given her their new contact details when they moved house, and she had been trying to get in touch for a while, even travelling up and going to our old house and asking neighbours if they knew where ex had gone. She wasn't even aware that we'd split up.

I took stepson down to visit her for a couple of weeks, and he decided that he wanted to go and live down there with her for good. So that's what we did, packing up all his stuff and taking him down there. More travel! I've probably put 3000 miles on my car in the last three months, and I normally only do around 8000 a year...

So I've gone from relatively-carefree single 30-something, to single mother and widow, and back to single 30-something again in the space of 3 months.

It's all a bit of a shock to the system, and means my priorities are completely upside down. I'm going to have to rethink all my goals and plans. And I've no idea where I am with my loan. I've had a couple of late charges because everything's been so disorganised :(

I've also stopped working at my online job, I've had so little time. I'm still doing some work for them but not the main part of it. Although this cuts my incoming money, I've got plenty of time back that I can do overtime at my main job, and with the dollar/pound strength, I only have to put in 5 hours at my regular job per week to cover what it takes me 12-15hrs only to make. Plus it means I don't have to muck about with tax returns, etc.

In other news, I'm still seeing the fella that I started seeing back in March. He's been very very supportive over the last few months. He's currently living in a 1-bed flat in Derby, but we're talking about getting a place together when his lease expires in January. I know I said I'd never live with anyone again, but he's so easy-going, and he respects my need for "alone time". And he's not put off by the fact that my Mum comes as part of the package, so blimey, hehehe.

Finding my why

For me, this debt reduction is always about having my step-son back to live with me again.

When I first split from his Dad, littl'un spent every weekend with me, and as he got older I was looking forward to a time when he'd be able to catch the bus from school, and come and spend the evening with me a couple of days a week as well.

However, his Dad moved to Wales to be with his new partner. And because of the huge distance, and the price of travel, this means I can only see littl'un a few times a year. It's hard, to say the least. We speak on the phone every day, send emails and photos, and so on. It's not the same as being there, though.

When he visited in August, he'd grown taller than my Mum. I hope he hasn't overtaken me yet!

So for the last year or so, the agreed-on plan with my Ex has been that when littl'un turns 15 (which is in July 2010) he will come to live with me, for his last year of secondary school. By this point he will be mature enough (hopefully) to be able to get himself to and from school on time and cope with being on his own for the odd Saturday. I'll be able to use my holiday to cover about half the school year, and he can go to his Dad's for the rest.

Childminders simply aren't an option at his age. When we were first splitting up, I tried everything to keep him with me, but I simply couldn't find any facility for kids of his age. There is a massive gap in the market there, if you ask me: affordable, reliable childcare for kids between 11 and 16.

Anyway, that's the plan. The catch is, I really really want to move to a good area, within the catchment area of a good school, ready for when he comes. Because he has mild learning difficulties, and because his Dad finds it hard to support him educationally, he is already up against the odds. I need him to be in a school that will support him, where he can concentrate on studying hard and getting himself up to speed for his GCSEs. For preference, I also want to hire a private tutor for English and Maths, to give him the best chance of passing those two crucial subjects.

If I am still in debt when he comes to live with me, we're going to end up either staying where we are, or moving to a worse area where he'll end up in a crappy school. The local school is not very good (going by exam results.) I will not be able to afford any extra tutoring. Likely result: he leaves school with no or very few qualifications, and enters a depressed job market where he will find it very difficult to get anything except menial work.

If, however, I've managed to get myself debt-free (or very nearly) then I will be able to afford considerably more rent, and some tuition. Hoped-for result: we live in a nice area, where he makes some good friends, is happy at school and able to concentrate on working hard and improving his levels, and leaves school with enough qualifications to get a better-paid job or onto a NVQ course or apprenticeship.

So that is WHY I am so focused on paying down my debt in a short amount of time.

Hello World

This blog is my attempt to stay on the straight and narrow path to being debt-free.

I’m 35 years old, single, and I live in Yorkshire. Over the last 10 years I’ve slowly accumulated a significant amount of debt (well, significant to me. Compared with, say, XL Airways, it’s probably a drop in the ocean) which I now am determined to get rid of.

Earlier this year, my Mum moved in with me, after my Grandma died. Now, while living with your Mum past the age of 25 is totally sad, it is certainly a great help when it comes to meeting household bills. Plus, she does nearly all the housework. Win! This puts me in an excellent position to make a real dent in my personal debt mountain over the next couple of years.